Izzy: Greetings all you Bacons and Sausages!
Elsa: MMMMmmmmm … either one sounds good right about now.
Izzy: How about both? Why choose when you can have it all!?
Elsa: Isn’t that your philosophy on life… having it all? Even things that belong to other people?
Izzy: ESPECIALLY things that belong to other people. What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine.
Elsa: You seem to be living true to your mantra.
Izzy: Hey, if you can’t be true to yourself, then who can you be true to?
Elsa: No one, apparently. At least based on past experiences.
Izzy: You really need to heal, Elsa.
Elsa: In the spirit of moving forward….
Izzy: And in the spirit of bacon…
Elsa: What does bacon have to do with anything?
Izzy: It’s bacon. It has to everything to do with everything.
Elsa: Fine. In the spirit of …bacon?… here is our first guest.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxfTG-zpBZH/?igshid=1rtkl9yznvomn
Izzy: This looks like a @ralphlauren ad.
Elsa: It does have that sailor…. polo… feel to it.
Izzy: Rich Lauren bitch for sure!
Elsa: So much to comment on… so much to love.
Izzy: First of all… love to @cinderelly212… hey, girl, hey!
Elsa: And the outfit is sublime.
Izzy: Sublime? Aren’t we snooty….
Elsa: It’s just a word. Can a word be snooty?
Izzy: Coming out of your mouth it can!
Elsa: The only Sub-limes you know about are the ones in your margaritas.
Izzy: Yum!!
Elsa: Back to the outfit?
Izzy: You mean the “sublime” one?
Elsa: Yes. I love the red, white and blue combo! So perfect for the Fourth of July.
Izzy: It does get a little cool while sailing, so a nice sweater is perfect.
Elsa: And the harness is so perfect with it too.
Izzy: And the thick gold chain is amazeballs.
Elsa: Gold and chunky is perfect with this outfit.
Izzy: Then you should look great it in!
Elsa: Umm… Thank you, but why do you say that?
Izzy: Because you’re gold and chunky, just like the leash! Perfect match.
Elsa: I should know better than to ever think you would compliment me.
Izzy: You SHOULD know better.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx3tYQlHRUz/?igshid=15ls6ie90ng4r
Izzy: Now that, my friends, is a @duckdynastyae quality beard.
Elsa: That IS a fantastic beard. But it looks more like a @benaffleck beard to me.
Izzy: Either way… Rawwwrrr….
Elsa: Well groomed… nice, deep color….
Izzy: Sublime?
Elsa: Yes, this is sublime.
Izzy: Imagine kissing him with that beard….
Elsa: I can imagine ME kissing him, but you of course, won’t because you’re married.
Izzy: In real life, I’m married. But imaginary me is very single.
Elsa: Isn’t it funny how important good grooming is? This handsome man is wearing a truly fabulous outfit and we’ve spent all this time talking about his beard and haven’t even mentioned his clothing.
Izzy: He’s wearing clothes?
Elsa: First class clothes!
Izzy: See, the REAL @andygriffon may be wearing clothes, but my IMAGINARY Andy Griffon is not…
Elsa: You do have an active imagination, I’ll give you that much.
Izzy: Like right now, for instance, I’m actively imagining how much fun it would be to dump a bowl of spaghetti over your head…
Elsa: So, the outfit is unbelievable.
Izzy: So unbelievable, that I didn’t even believe it was there.
Elsa: But it is. And it’s delicious. I love the large animal print. Usually you see smaller animal print, but this is a nice surprise. And it is so well balanced with the black. And that black collar is the perfect way to finish off one fantastic look.
Izzy: Plus he has a breathtaking butt.
Elsa: You can’t even see his behind in these photos.
Izzy: Oh, but in my IMAGINARY photos of him….
Elsa: Moving on…
https://www.instagram.com/p/BveQSNjnrWo/?igshid=15f1oxx1exr6f
Izzy: Before we get into the clothing… let’s pause to appreciate this guest’s name: Bacon.
Elsa: Leave it to you to pay tribute to bacon.
Izzy: If I don’t pay tribute to bacon, who will?
Elsa: You’ve spent most of this show talking about food and butts, maybe we should focus on why we are here.
Izzy: To get drunk and make fun of people? And food. And butts.
Elsa: Those might be YOUR personal goals, but as a show, it is to feature the best in dog fashions.
Izzy: Oh, ya. Well, that too.
Elsa: So, in keeping with our goals…. This is amazing!
Izzy: I do love this outfit. I love the chain and charm. I love the neutral colors, especially against his complexion.
Elsa: Clean, graphic tees are all the rage! And I love that the clean t-shirt is matched with a print jacket. So…
Izzy: I think the word you are looking for is “sublime.”
Elsa: No… for you… This outfit is so….. bacon.
Izzy: Nice way to use bacon as an adjective!!
Elsa: Oh, my. You really sneaked up on me with that one.
Izzy: Now, this is a situation that our nation should be focusing on.
Elsa: I’d like to give Sausage the benefit of the doubt here…. maybe she is a Vegas show girl..or maybe there is a costume contest???? I don’t think we can call the government or the voting public in on a fashion disaster. Natural disasters, yes, but I don’t think they has time for fashion disasters.
Izzy: Answer me this: Is it illegal to take parrots across international lines?
Elsa: I don’t know. I suppose that with proper vaccinations and registration…. Why do you ask?
Izzy: Just wondering why Sausage here felt compelled to shove a parrot up her ass.
Elsa: Poor Sausage.
Izzy: Poor parrot.
Elsa: This might be bad, but do you really think it is a matter of national security?
Izzy: Smuggling illegal parrots and animal cruelty… simultaneously!!????? I think this is a case for the FBI. CIA? Someone, help, please.
Elsa: At least the fashion distracted you from bacon.
Izzy: Did you catch this dog’s name?? SAUSAGE!
Elsa: If I didn’t know better, I’d say you planned this… to have two guests back to back named Bacon and Sausage.
Izzy: I knew they would just “ham” it up with each other.
Elsa: You know what this show needs?
Izzy: Ham?
Elsa: Writers. We need writers. I don’t think this spontaneous bantering is your thing.
Izzy: You know what is my thing?
Elsa: Bacon?
Izzy: You’re finally learning my ways!!!
Izzy and Elsa: Stay fabulous, fashionistas!
