Izzy: Welcome all you fabulous fashionistas and cringe-worthy wannabes!
Elsa: Umm… yes, welcome everyone. You okay, Izzy?
Izzy: Fine, why?
Elsa: You don’t seem your, umm, chipper self today.
Izzy: I’m a little upset. My dads thought it would be ridiculously funny to humiliate me in the name of sport and humor.
Elsa: That doesn’t sound like your dads.
Izzy: Then you don’t know my dads! They got this new … device.. that they have on the lawn at our home in Nashville. It is a wicked little device. It looks all innocent with it s bright colors, but its pure evil.
Elsa: What type of device is it? It sounds menacing!
Izzy: It lays on the lawn and squirts water at you. I thought it was some sort of spa treatment, a fun toy or at worst, an erratic water fountain, but I do believe it is a torture device. It’s like giving Wyatt Earp a squirt gun.
Elsa: Oh, Izzy, you are such a citified lady. That’s a sprinkler. Its meant to keep your lawn green and lush during the dry summer months.
Izzy: You’d have to be a lush to deliberately get near that thing. “It will be fun,” they said. “It will cool you off,” they told me. It’s nothing but a cheap water torture device. At least my dads got a good laugh out of it.
Elsa: It looks like you took your coffee with a shot of sarcasm and sass this morning.
Izzy: Then they put a video of my bare ass on Instagram. For shame, Dads, for shame!
Elsa: I think you’re adorable Izzy. And speaking of adorable, did you see @eloisecloset in @Cosmopolitan ?
Izzy: Oh, my goodness, Elly looks phenomenal! Those heart shaped glasses are amazing!
Elsa: And so on trend. Not only are heart shaped sunglasses in-style this summer, but so are pastel colored lenses!
Izzy: So Elton John chic!!
Elsa: Maybe Elton John and Marilyn Monroe’s love child?
Izzy: Yes, with her lovely blond locks!
Elsa: This Lush Jumper by @EyeofDog is perfection. A furbaby in fur!
Izzy: Luxurious, long, pink fur! And done in tasteful moderation, which is really the only way that fur should be worn.
Elsa: Her neck looks long and graceful like a swan!
Izzy: Yass! That collar with the pastel blue and the pop of bling! She has got it going on!!
Elsa: She’s got the head tilt down.
Izzy: I still rule the side eye though!
Elsa: You won’t be dethroned any time soon, I’m sure.
Izzy: This queen is wearing a crown. I sure hope that @vanya.velour knows that I’m still queen around here.
Elsa: Her daddy is a pretty famous queen too, you know. Venya’s daddy is Sasha Velour who won the ninth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race (@rupaulsdragrace).
Izzy: I have to admit that she is pretty fabulous, even if the bitch is trying to steal my crown.
Elsa: This is actually a costume, but it is so amazing that it works well as evening wear. Its from a series by @shanerooney.nyc for “Vanya Velour’s Drag Race Look Book” available at @rupaulsdragcon NYC!
Izzy: Vanya has such an exotic look. She’s an Italian greyhound with an oh, so lovely long neck.
Elsa: We were talking about elongated necks with Elly too! But in this instance, Vanya isn’t necessarily trying to make her neck look long. It just IS long. And this allows her to pull off some stupendous fashions like this feather boa collar.
Izzy: Someone with a shorter neck might look squatty with that much bulk around the neck, but Vanya looks great.
Elsa: The body hugging dress with the hint of sparkle is very elegant. She’s ready for the red carpet.
Izzy: Or the runway.
Elsa: The gloves are also a nice touch. Something so elegant about gloves, don’t you think?
Izzy: Very elegant!! Ready for this?
Elsa: Bless your heart, Superman.
Izzy: I may be citified, but you are queen of the southern insults, I reckon.
Elsa: Please leave the southern talk to me, Izzy. The biggest fashion mistake here is the fit. This dress was certainly not made for Superman, nor was it tailored.
Izzy: Is that the only thing wrong with this look that you can find?
Elsa: I said its the biggest mistake, not the only.
Izzy: She has popcorn kernels on her ass.
Elsa: Maybe it’s because I’m from Texas, but they look like Corn Nuts! Who would want to wear either? But this shade of yellow is so beautiful!
Izzy: I agree with you that this dress does not come close to fitting her properly, but I’m more confused by the print. I love yellow, but this is not how to wear yellow properly.
Elsa: This outfit does nothing for her coloring, that’s for sure and I would never put Corn Nuts and lace together! The dress is quite casual, but the lace gives it a lingerie feel. I might eat Corn Nuts in my nightie but I would never wear them!
Izzy: Old lady! No lingerie feel here. And the neck treatment is way too formal for this type of dress.
Elsa: The strange thing is that the designer, @kittyandthewoofgang, has some beautiful dresses in the collection.
Izzy: Clearly this isn’t one of them.
Elsa: Izzy! You are still so grumpy! This will cheer you up.
Izzy: Love the outfit!
Elsa: Nashy is a fellow Texan and I love her look.
Izzy: The tweed jacket is to die for!!! I adore the color scheme. The contrast of the light and dark is so beautiful and looks very, very rich. Like me!
Elsa: @rororiri_official always has so many beautiful pieces. Every girl should own a piece from their collection. This is very Chanel. And can we talk about the scarf?
Izzy: This beautiful piece is from @houndcollection
Elsa: The color. The pattern. I love the dash of bright pink in the floral pattern and how it echoes the pink in the trim of the jacket.
Izzy: Label out too! Showing off your fancy label is a great way to make everyone jealous!
Elsa: Or, another way to look at it is that sometimes the labels are meant to be seen. They are part of the design. Just like this example.
Izzy: I was taught to wear my clothes with tags in, but I always think that designer clothes should be worn inside out so that the whole world will know how much money I spend on my clothes!
Elsa: Oh, my darling, Izzy! No one would ever accuse you of not wearing designer labels, whether they can see them or not! So, please don’t start wearing your clothes inside out.
Izzy: The flower collar around Nashy’s neck is from @designsbywildside and is also spot-on.
Elsa: Yes. What a great way to use accessories. And the simple pearl necklace is also very pretty.
Izzy: The only problem I have with this look is Nashy’s expression. She doesn’t look thrilled.
Elsa: Once she sees a photo of herself in this outfit she will be strutting her stuff!!
Izzy: Attitude really does make a difference in your overall look.
Elsa: And goodness knows, Izzy, you have attitude!
Izzy: I’m not sure if I should be proud or offended.
Elsa: I have nothing but love for you, Miss Izzy.
Izzy: Love you too, Elsa. And I love all of our viewers! Thanks for joining us today.
Elsa: We look forward to seeing you all next week for another edition of the Pawshion Police!
Izzy and Elsa: Stay fabulous, fashionistas!